what i'm leaving behind
it's been a while since my last entry, i'm sorry for the delay! this year hasn't been what i wanted it to be either, and it started with me learning that one of my parents was ill. i needed time to sort through my feelings on that
i've been dealing with the fear of possibly losing a parent, even if we don't really get along, and then what i would be leaving behind if the same thing would happen to me or i was dealing with unfortunate circumstances. i said once that i wanted to put my art out into the world but was worried that my opinions would change or that i'd later feel inadequate and that fear still lives in me, but now it's combined with, what if that weight never leaves me and i don't ever get the chance to share anything?
i don't have a solution, but i suppose stopping writing in even this form is letting myself fall to that
in other news, my 30th birthday is about 55 days away, and i'm counting the days nervously
i'll start writing more frequently